Tory MP Secret Diaries: #1, Rishi Sunak

Just an ordinary bloke behind the rainy curtain

Matt Mason
2 min readMay 30, 2024

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Photo by reza shayestehpour on Unsplash

Hi diary, would you like a COVID recovery contract? I know you’re just bits of paper and card and glue stuck together but as my personal diary you’re automatically entitled to the benefits of being a Tory family or friend such as preferred contracts. Just let me know what you need and it’s yours. I’ll be putting up National Insurance Contributions to pay for it in August *wink wink*.

Family recommended I start journaling. They say the plebs do it to “help their mental health”. We didn’t severely underfund the NHS for fourteen years for the poor people to do something about their own mental health. Maybe when we get back in, I’ll take the rest of the budget away if illnesses are easily cured through this journaling.

Broken finger? Write a letter! Broken leg? Write a diary! Terminal illness? Write a whole book! BAM! Cured. Permanently disabled? Get back to work and be a productive member of society, I have tax cuts for the rich to dish out!

Hahahaha, sorry. Tory joke there. I hope this top-secret diary never gets seen by the plebs or I’m going to lose the election.

Talking of which, did you see my announcement in the rain? I received some criticism, but I keep telling people (and they fail to…

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Matt Mason

Creatively curious lifelong writer. I use Medium to discuss asexuality, childfree living, Doctor Who, and sometimes even politics - not all of it serious.