Nigel Farage is the Turd That Just Won’t Flush

Matt Mason
3 min readJun 17, 2024
Photo by Giorgio Trovato on Unsplash

Seven times. That’s how many times Nigel Farage, the not very British named self-professed British patriot has stood for election to sit in the UK parliament. Seven times he has failed. At the 2010 election when he stood against then Speaker of the House John Bercow, he garnered fewer votes than a man dressed as a dolphin.

Now, he’s standing for an eighth time after initially saying he preferred to go to the US to help a convict named Donald become president. But true to form, this man who has flip-flopped more time than Chuka Umunna and 30p Lee put together, changed his mind.

I suppose the limelight is just a little brighter on this side of the Atlantic.

Pundits think he might be in with a chance to make enough perpetually angry purple faced retirees turn out to vote for him in Clacton on 4th July. If so, this will give him another job where turning up to do the job he’s paid to do isn’t considered mandatory.

Also, the moment the UK left, he applied for German passports for his children. This is a man whose priorities are Nigel Farage, Nigel Farage, and whatever microphone is under his nose at any given moment.

Despite claiming he would leave politics when the UK left the European Union, he’s still here. Regularly seen at beaches around the south coast screaming…



Matt Mason

A demisexual childfree Doctor Who nerd who uses Medium for exploring curiosities, for venting, and for the frivolous.